I have been wanting to share these photos from our Spring Break trip. It has taken me over a week to actually pull them up, edit and reflect. I feel like I had to push myself to do these steps... and it didn't sit well with me. The fact that I have to make myself do something that I once felt so much joy doing. Everything is the same, but not really.
In less than a day, my outlook on life has all but diminish. I am hurting, in pain and so angry. I am in a denial phase... and no where near accepting that my world is now changed. So much for changes. I have been crying on and off for the past 16 hours. I need my family and friends close by, but I want alone time. My emotions are all over the place and I don't know what to do with them. After I heard the news from the Doctor, I froze and turned that sentence over and over in my mind, and it still hasn't clicked. After my mother sat at the edge of the hospital bed and what little tears I had trickled down my face, I sat there and immediately wanted to call him. To just tell him my predicament, to cry and say sorry. He was beside me through so much heartbreak, that I felt like I needed him there again. But I already had made my choices so long ago, that trying to reach out would make things harder. So I cried for myself, for my decisions I made that got me to this point. And I finally cried for the life that I could of had... for the things I never said or did. It's mind blowing to realize how precious life really is. So after I let it all out, I laid on that hospital bed and prayed. In the dark of the room with the beeping sounds of the machines, the whisper from the Doctors, nurses and other patients outside the room, I closed my eyes and prayed.
I am half broken, but I know that if I survived all my other families deaths and the loss of the person who I once loved, I can survive this too. I have my sons, my family and my friends here beside me. I don't have to worry about everyone calling me to ask questions, because for now, only 5 people understand and know my pain.
And with that... I would really love to share with your the random snapshots I took during our trip.
We traveled to Salt Lake City to visit family. This was my son's first trip to Utah and to meet their cousins. The drive was so long, I honestly don't think I would drive there again, so I better look into airfare prices. We drove through beautiful areas, areas that I want to come back and visit to photograph. We had so many stops to stretch and dine. We took a whole day to get to our destination. The boys really enjoyed themselves, despite the fact they were cooped up in a van for 15 hours. We had many firsts this trip, and I know they will look back on this trip with a huge smile.
During our trip we visit a few tourist areas in Salt Lake City, we never did go to see THE Salt Lake, it was closed for winter and too cold. I even freaked out for a few minutes while driving, because we saw small snow flurries. It didn't snow very long, but afterward, just standing outside and inhaling the new clean air, woke up my body. It was very different to be at a place that reminded me of home. I glimpsed the winding roads near Hawley Lake, the streets of Lawrence, Kansas and the mountain ranges of Arizona. That trip was so good to us. After spending a day with our family, we left the next morning to head back to Arizona. On our way home we went through Nevada, and reaquainted ourselve with Las Vegas. We haven't been there as a family for 3 years. So it was refreshing to come back and visit places we loved. The M&Ms store, the Bellagio water show, the Effil tower, we even took our first ride on the High Roller. I am glad I was able to give the boys another magical Spring break.
In less than a day, my outlook on life has all but diminish. I am hurting, in pain and so angry. I am in a denial phase... and no where near accepting that my world is now changed. So much for changes. I have been crying on and off for the past 16 hours. I need my family and friends close by, but I want alone time. My emotions are all over the place and I don't know what to do with them. After I heard the news from the Doctor, I froze and turned that sentence over and over in my mind, and it still hasn't clicked. After my mother sat at the edge of the hospital bed and what little tears I had trickled down my face, I sat there and immediately wanted to call him. To just tell him my predicament, to cry and say sorry. He was beside me through so much heartbreak, that I felt like I needed him there again. But I already had made my choices so long ago, that trying to reach out would make things harder. So I cried for myself, for my decisions I made that got me to this point. And I finally cried for the life that I could of had... for the things I never said or did. It's mind blowing to realize how precious life really is. So after I let it all out, I laid on that hospital bed and prayed. In the dark of the room with the beeping sounds of the machines, the whisper from the Doctors, nurses and other patients outside the room, I closed my eyes and prayed.
I am half broken, but I know that if I survived all my other families deaths and the loss of the person who I once loved, I can survive this too. I have my sons, my family and my friends here beside me. I don't have to worry about everyone calling me to ask questions, because for now, only 5 people understand and know my pain.
And with that... I would really love to share with your the random snapshots I took during our trip.
We traveled to Salt Lake City to visit family. This was my son's first trip to Utah and to meet their cousins. The drive was so long, I honestly don't think I would drive there again, so I better look into airfare prices. We drove through beautiful areas, areas that I want to come back and visit to photograph. We had so many stops to stretch and dine. We took a whole day to get to our destination. The boys really enjoyed themselves, despite the fact they were cooped up in a van for 15 hours. We had many firsts this trip, and I know they will look back on this trip with a huge smile.
During our trip we visit a few tourist areas in Salt Lake City, we never did go to see THE Salt Lake, it was closed for winter and too cold. I even freaked out for a few minutes while driving, because we saw small snow flurries. It didn't snow very long, but afterward, just standing outside and inhaling the new clean air, woke up my body. It was very different to be at a place that reminded me of home. I glimpsed the winding roads near Hawley Lake, the streets of Lawrence, Kansas and the mountain ranges of Arizona. That trip was so good to us. After spending a day with our family, we left the next morning to head back to Arizona. On our way home we went through Nevada, and reaquainted ourselve with Las Vegas. We haven't been there as a family for 3 years. So it was refreshing to come back and visit places we loved. The M&Ms store, the Bellagio water show, the Effil tower, we even took our first ride on the High Roller. I am glad I was able to give the boys another magical Spring break.
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